Hi, the name's Vincent Cheddar. You can call me Vincent or Vince I don't know. And this is the story of my life. Here it begins with me and my lazy ass roomate Jared. Jared Havarti. Jared does nothing but sits on his ass all day watching television and even playing video games. Sometimes, I join him into playing video games and whip ass at it. Sometimes, he beats me at it and it pisses me off. Today is the 27th of February 2023 and it's me playing a wrestling video game with my roommate Jared. Don't get me wrong but, I think Jared is okay but he can be a dick sometimes... Especially when it comes to playing a wrestling video game. Here I am getting my ass kicked at it because my skill was a little bit off because I was up late last night. Jared kept having his character punching me and kicking me and he was on the verge of winning.

Vincent: Fuck!!! Stop hitting me!!
Jared: Look at ya Vince! You fight like a baby! (Knocks Vincent's player down and he collapse onto the ground)
Vincent: No no no no no! Get up! Get your ass up! (Pressing buttons to get his player back up and it did)
Jared: Hang on Vince, Lemme get a bite of my sourdough sandwich.

Whilst Jared takes a bike of his sourdough sandwich, Vincent sneakously removes the batteries from Jared's wireless controller and puts them in his pocket and quickly places the battery cover on Jared's controller when he isn't looking. Jared finishes taking bites of his sandwich the same time Vincent makes his player whip Jared's player unable to control Jared's player because the batteries were out. Jared looks at the TV and tries to get back into the game but his controller wasn't working.

Jared: Hey hey hey!! Stop it Vince!! My controller's broken!!
Vincent: (Laughs with no remorse)
Jared: Why is my controller not working?!
Vincent: (Knocks Jared's player out as a TKO) Hahaha! Eat shit! You got owned!
Jared: (Notices the batteries in Vincent's pocket) You dumbass! You cheated! You took the batteries outta my fucking controller!!
Vincent: Serves you right!
Jared: No wonder you ain't getting pussy like.. ever.
Vincent: Oh nonsense, I'm about to get some soon!
Jared: Lemme guess.. From Mary Lou Melon?
Vincent: (Teasing tone) Yes from Mary Lou! Mary Lou is the girl of my dreams and I really love her! Deal with it! Also, you're one to talk.
Jared: I'm gonna soon get- (His phone gets a text) Gimme a minute.

Jared got a text on his cellphone and it reads

"Hi Jared Harvarti, It's almost the end of the month and your rent is due. If you don't pay €800, then you will be asked to vacate. Thanks.

Your landlord, Abby."


Jared: Oh shit. Vincent, Got any rent money?
Vincent: Not much, how much do you have on you?
Jared: I only got €200 on me. I used to have €900 but..
Vincent: But what?
Jared: I spent it on porno mags.
Vincent: Are you serious right now?! You spent some of our rent money on your nude magazines?! How could you be so helpless?! 
Jared: But I love boobs! I love butts!
Vincent: The butt you need to worry about is your's when we get our's kicked out! I'm going to Mary Lou's!
Jared: Have fun!

So I walk out his apartment complex door with a scowl on my face after I was irritated from the fact that Jared spent some of my rent money on porn. Has he lost his god damn mind?! I claimed him as my roommate so he can help me with the rent. Just be lucky me and him both have jobs but It doesn't pay much but it still covers the rent in total. Now I'm off to go meet Mary Lou, Mary Lou is my sweetheart. I've been admiring this girl at my work. She makes my eyes glisten and my heart pound as loud as the timpani drums because she's smoking hot! She's always at the night club with her girlfriends but an itty bitty problem, her friends aren't really that into me... much. So I walk into the night club to find Mary Lou and there she is, with her girl friends dancing with them. I walk to her to say hello and she was happy to see me. Her two girl friends are Karen, and Tiffany. She gets along with them really good.

Vincent: Hey Mary Lou Lou!
Mary Lou: Hi Vinnie Bun! What you up to?
Vincent: Well, my rent was due and uhhh.. uhhh..

I tried to change the story so I don't feel embarassed telling the girls about my lazy roommate otherwise, I'd be dumped. So what I told her is..

Vincent: I lost some of my cash and I don't get paid until next week and.. I'm just trying to come up with some money.
Mary Lou: Like how much?
Vincent: Just uhhh... €200?
Mary Lou: €200? I'll see what we can do. But for now.. Let's dance!
Karen: Let's see you shake it again!
Tiffany: Yeah! Bet this boy can't shake it!
Vincent: Oh yeah! I can shake it! (Does a sick dance move but trips at the end and Mary Lou laughs)
Mary Lou: Oh Vincent! You're so clumsy... In a good way to say the least.
Vincent: A little help here?
Mary Lou: Sure thing. (Grab's Vincent's Hand to help him up)
Vincent: Thank you Mary Lou.
Mary Lou: Hey, after we get done dancing.. (Whispers in Vincent's ear so Karen and Tiffany doesn't hear) Wanna head to my place and.. we can have fun?
Vincent: Sure! I mean... Awesome!

Me, Mary Lou, Karen & Tiffany continue dancing until we're exhausted. Vincent then hops in Mary Lou's car so we can head to her house. Mary Lou lives all by herself except her chihuahua named Queenie. Queenie barks at me because she doesn't really like me. That's what I don't like about Mary Lou. I didn't really wanna hurt her feelings to insult her chihuahua because if I did, she's break up with me. So me and Mary Lou head to her bedroom, took my vest off and walked into her room. Her room was well decorated with losta posters and so many a girl like her can imagine! She then crawls on her bed and starts to take her panties off. I knew what to do for a start so.. I stuck my face close to her vagina and started licking it and she moaned like a pornstar! I was licking and licking and licking until she told me to stop.

Vincent: Oh my god.. you sure know how to scream!
Mary Lou: I can't believe it.. Vincent Cheddar knows how to eat that pussy like a hungry beast!
Vincent: (Chuckles) Thank you?
Mary Lou: How are you so good at that?
Vincent: I practiced doing it on a piece of pie.
Mary Lou: What a good way to practice Vinnie bun!

After Mary Lou finished her sentance, She sticks her hand under her pillow and guess what she's giving me? €600! I knew there's something I liked about that dazzling sugar cake Mary Lou! I couldn't thank her enough for that. 

Vincent: Awwww Mary Lou had a little lamb to turned her rich! How are you rich?
Mary Lou: Well, my ex is rich and I'm breaking up with him. Sooo.. After all the shit he did to me in the past few months, I'm stealing his dough.
Vincent: Oh no way! Bet he's gonna have a fit when he finds out.

Me and Mary Lou both laughed about what I said because I feel like Mary Lou's ex sounds like a real cocksucker indeed. When I looked at my cellphone to see what time it is, Oh shit! it was 9 o'clock at night! I hate to leave early during a lovely time with Mary Lou but, I had to be home at that time so I can get good rest for work tomorrow. So I told her that I'm heading back home so I can get plenty of rest for work tomorrow. I told her "See you at work tomorrow!" and kissed her cheek and left and once again trying to avoid Queenie. Luckily, Queenie was sleeping so I left the house as quiet as possible, closed the door quick as I could. As the door slammed, Queenie starts barking and Mary Lou shuts her up by hitting her head with a newspaper and it knocks her out and shuts her up and puts her back to sleep.

28th February 2023

7 AM and I wake up and do my morning routine. I shower and brushed my teeth and combed my hair and sprayed cologne on me and put on my uniform for work. But before I could drive to my work, I went to my bank to write a check for my landlord so I can get mine and Jared's rent paid so I wouldn't get my ass evicted. The line was short but there's some douchebag taking so long. I was as patient as I was until I lost it. I pushed that man away because I was in a hurry so I don't wanna be late for work. I requested to write a check for my landlord and it's all written. So the next thing is that I drove to where the landlord lives and put the check in an envelope and set the envelope into her mailbox and drove away as fast as possible to my work and ran inside and clocked in. I looked for my boss Dustin. Dustin is an okay dude but he is stern most of the time. I apologised to him on how late I was because I had to take care of business but he sure wasn't that happy.

Vincent: (Panting) Sorry I'm late Dustin! I had to take care of something!
Dustin: Vincent Cheddar, Do you know what time it is?
Vincent: Uhh.. 9:04? 
Dustin: Correct! You were 4 minutes late! Luckily, We were all waiting for you in silence for like.. like.. FOUR MINUTES!! We thought you'd never come!! You didn't call me to tell me you were going to be late!! Look at me when I'm talking to you!! Next time you're going to be slow and cause a delay, Pick up your phone and ring the place and call that THERE'S GOING TO BE A DELAY!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
Vincent: Y-Yes sir, I'll remember it tomorrow. 
Dustin: GOOD!! Let's get to work!


After the talk with Dustin, I stepped into the cubicle and took a seat in my office chair and booted up my PC and got to work. Luckily, my job pays good and I can just sit on my ass and do the work on the computer without worrying about lifting things that weigh like 30 kg. It makes me tired lifting things like that but at least I don't have to do it all the time but hey, it's one hell of a work out I guess. It's great to lift heavy things time to time to get your muscles all beefy and shit. But the awful thing about my office is that I'm next to that idiot named Walter Fetaworth. He's so stupid! He asks stupid questions and does stupid stuff that I just wanna punch him! In the middle of me working, He comes up to me.

Walter: Hey Cheddar! You know who I am?
Vincent: You're Walter Fetaworth, dipshit.
Walter: Have you have picked someone's nose?
Vincent: Seriously? What kind of a shitass question is that?
Walter: Have you poured honey on yourself? Have you run around town with your pants off?
Vincent: Cheesus would you just shut the hell up?! God! I'm trying to work here!
Walter: Okay Cheddar. (Walks off)

See what I mean? That idiot doesn't know when to stop!


To Be Continued


